Life is different for all of us. It is a journey or an adventure. Sometimes that journey or adventure turns out to not be as pleasant as we would like. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and through all of the not-so-pleasant moments, I am thankful and show gratitude. Sounds ridiculous right? Trust, this was not an easy task and I am still learning how to do just that!
Due to childhood trauma, I never knew who I truly was. I was sexually assaulted as a kid and in turn, I conformed to be this extra cautious and extra careful person. Scared to enjoy life because things are unpredictable and I could not control what could happen. In grade school all the way to high school, I would not talk to the boys at school. I friend zoned them or called them "my brother" quick so no lines were crossed and no one thought differently about the friendship. In college, I went out and partied but again, I played it safe and really did not deal with males unless it was on my terms. If I had control over the situation then it was all good.
Fast forward, I got married. Everything that could go wrong in marriage went wrong in my marriage within the first 6 months. I got advice from people I respected (wrong decision) and endured the craziness for years to come. I became unrecognizable to myself. The little identity that I did have was no longer there. I was on autopilot and my emotions and feelings became numb. I had no emotions and feelings! So I started this journey back to me. Nothing about this journey was easy. I had some exciting times and I had some low moments.
The first step is to make a sound decision that you are going to be who you want to be no matter what! Stand on that decision and hit the ground running! My first stop was to find a therapist because I needed to heal that childhood trauma if I was going to get a more accurate identity. I spent a lot of time with God, myself, my thoughts, and my journal! Whew, journaling will help you sort out anything! (Just my opinion.)
If you made it this far in my blog and you are considering starting your own journey; make sure you have your tribe in place. Someone that supports you and will listen to you with no judgment. I would also recommend a therapist as well.
Give yourself grace and start your journey! It is well worth it!