It's ok to put the cape down, take the "S" off your chest, and just be a woman!

I remember the day just like yesterday when enough was enough. I was tired of being on autopilot with pent-up anger. I was tired of living and looking over my shoulder about everything because of childhood trauma. I was tired of infringing that fear on my children by teaching them the same survival tactics. I knew I didn't deserve half of the things I was going through. Having my second son was a trigger in itself. I had no idea at the time that it was but I was determined to not be like this anymore. I no longer wanted to be this woman.

So one day I got up and I literally let go of everything but my kids. I let go of friendships, I let go of people, and I let go of a job that I wasn't happy doing but doing it because I had a family that depended on me. I knew I wasn't lost but I had to re-discover myself and change things to how I wanted them to go.

This is the day I started my self-admiration journey! I started getting back to the things I loved to do such as reading, writing in my journal, praying, and talking to God. I had to let go of all outside distractions because it was something in me that I needed to nurture because I knew it was bigger than just myself. It wasn't easy at first. It was hard. There were a lot of tears, anger, and resentment. The person that was looking at me back in the mirror was someone that was conforming to what everyone wanted her to be. She was not fully her true self. She was a people pleaser who wanted to make everyone happy. She bit her tongue when it came to a lot of situations, overlooked them, and had to suppress her emotions for the sake of everyone else's emotions and comfort level. I accepted a lot of stuff and never said anything about it knowing that it bothered me. Everyone thought I just didn't know what was going on but I'm here to tell you God always shows me exactly what I need. At that moment, He was showing me and I was ignoring all the signs. Well let me tell you, I stopped ignoring signs and I stopped listening to words. I watch actions now!

I made the conscious decision to reach out to a therapist because I wanted to start healing my trauma. It took me so many months to find one that I connected with and felt remotely comfortable with telling my business. Of course, therapists are supposed to come in with no judgment but if the energy wasn't right we never got past the first intake session. I finally found the right therapist and she was making progress and breakthroughs with me. Guess what? She was going out for surgery and was going to be gone for at least 6 months. I was devastated and cried like someone close to me died. I knew that I had to take the cape off, take the "S" off my chest, and just be a woman and ask for help. Trust me I am the type of person that I would rather figure it out and do it myself than ask for help. Let's be real, people are so disappointing. They will say they have you and they really don't. They will lead you into the trash can if it makes their situation better for them. People be in survival mode and projecting their hurt onto you.

My main reason for starting my journey is because trauma can be passed down in your DNA and I did not want to project that trauma onto my boys. I want them to grow up well-rounded, knowing when to be empathetic, when to stand up for themselves, and never dimming their light for the sake of someone else's comfort. I don't want to have people experience them and have to do some deep healing because of them. Did you know that trauma can be passed down in your DNA? You can experience things that your family or ancestors have experienced but on a whole different level. Same trauma just a different experience. The statement that "hurt people hurt people" is so true.

We all have experienced some trauma in our childhood. Some more than others. But if you never dig in and heal that inner child, you will keep passing on that trauma. Ok back to my therapist. She suggested another therapist and at first, I was skeptical because the lady's name was a trigger for me!!! My therapist knew this and said it may be helpful to let go of that pain surrounding the name. So I said ok I will give her a try. She said when she comes back that she would have me switched back to her. Well, I met the new therapist, and let me tell you, the energy, the vibe, the connection was the right connections! She got me. She understood me and she was so attentive and was there for me. She was genuinely there for my well-being. So when my therapist got back, I didn't switch back over. In just 3 months, we had numerous breakthroughs!

The beginning of taking the "S" off my chest was to start my healing process. Remember healing is an ongoing process and with healing comes growth. I do not want to stop growing so I am going to continue to heal.

Stay tuned for part 2 of me putting my cape down and ripping the "S" off.

Until next time loves!!!🥰🥰🥰

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